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Love story of a CA student..
Costing ki class mein nazre mili,
Saala pehli nazar mein pyar ho gya,
(kamaal h CA student ka bhi) bas fielding shuru…
2-3 din mein uski baju wali seat pe jaakar baithe … aur wohi purana CA student style … notes ke bahane gufatagu shuru…
No. Exchanged nd love story starts..
Woh bina baat usse question puchna (chahe sol. saari duniya ko batata ho)
Saala chaar baje uthna (class ke liye nahin) seat jo reserve karni thi uske liye…
Aur silsila chahat ka yunhi chalta raha…
ishq ka fever yunhi badta rha…
Aur phir izhaar e mohhabat hua…
jaise break fail hua… woh chali gayi meri mohabbat thukra kar…
Dil baith gya mera,
aur woh chali gayi yunhi muskura kar…
Saala ab debit credit samajh aaya…
Debit when she comes in my life and Credit when she went away from life…
Debit all assets (her memories)
Credit all liabilities (CA Final Exam with broken heart)
Debit all expenditure (class bunk, career loss)
Credit all incomes (wonderful moments spent with)
Moral: Tuta jo dil pyar mein padkar, dimaag ke saare dhakkan khul gaye…
ishq vishq ke chakkar mein, accounting rule toh ratt gaye…
1.Teacher: Osama has 5 wifes and 20 children ,
Laloo has 1 wife and 9 children. Who is better?
CA Student: Osama’s NPV is good but Laloo’s IRR is better.
3. CA gaali de to kya dega?
BLOODY bounced cheque,
Dharti pe liability,
Paidaishi bad debts,
Dishonoured bill,
Insolvent aadmi,
Itna marunga ki balance nahi bachega.
4.difference betn b.com n ca:-
b.com ques:- What is ur name??? (10 marks)
ca ques:- what is ur name? does it suits ur personality?? Analyse critically. (2 marks)
7.Q: Difference between gud CA & great CA?
Ans: A good CA knows the IT Act but a great CA knows the Income Tax Officer…. :p
8.Swarg ke dwar par 3 log the.
God”Sirf ek hi andar ja sakta hai.
Pehla~”Main pujari hu,sari umar apki seva ki hai, swarg par mera hi haq h.
Dusra”Main ek Dr.hu,sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg par toh mera hi haq hai
Tisra-“Maine CA KI PADHAI KI HAI.”
God-“kuch mat bol mere bhai,rulaega kya?
sari JAWANI tu narak me raha h.
Swarg par tera hi haq hai.”
DedicateD to all CA students.
9. If Gandhiji would have ever thought about doing..
“c.a.”!!!!:-
.
.
He would have definitely added a 4th monkey wid hands on its forehead…
;-( :-O 😛
10.what is 143
MBA student” I love you
Engn student :I hate you
Bio student: I miss you
CA student:its a scrutiny assessment section under income tax 1961
This July on 18th 2016 ????????
LIC launches New policy called:
‘CA EXAM Attempt Insurance’.
In case student is not able to clear the exam, after CA result company will reimburse him the exam fees …..
The tagline for this policy is :
“November ke saath bhi aur May ke baad bhi”
आज वो एयरटेल 4जी वाली लड़की का सामना एक #CA से हुआ
.
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बोली मुझसे पहले #Youtube का वीडियो शुरू करके दिखाओगे तो life time का बिल फ्री!!!!!!!
CA बोला ठीक हे
जैसे लड़की ने #buffering चालू किया!!!! CA का वीडियो चालू हो चूका था!!!!!!
लड़की और पूरी #Airtel वाले हैरान हो गए की आखिर में ये हुआ कैसे
जब CA से ये सवाल पूछा गया तो वो बोला “पहले मुझे #लाइफटाइम इंटरनेट दो तो ही में जवाब दूंगा!!!!”
उसकी शर्त उन्होंने मानली.और फाइनली जब उसका जवाब जाना तो सब बेहोश हो गए
CA बोला,””पेश हे YouTube का नया #offline feature””””
Dont #challenge T0 CA again….
How do Gyaani CA Baba proposes a CS girl
CA Boy – आपने मुझे कोई लोन दिया था क्या??
CS Girl – नही तो, क्यों??
CA Boy – पता नही क्यों आपकी तरफ मेरा इंट्रेस्ट बढ़ता जा रहा है
C.A Girl” (vidai k waqt):
Papa roiye mat, meri 1 baat dhyan se suniye,
Tent wale ko, catering wale ko na contract amount pr T.D.S kat k payment kijiyega fir challan ki copy bhijwa dijiega,
return “ye” file kr denge,
nominal si fee lenge aap se to..
Moral :- income ki koi bhi opportunity na chhodo
True love story of a CA(can’t stop my tears after reading this)
CA Boy… I love you..I can’t live without you…Mar Jaunga Mit Jaunga Thumahre Payar Me Fana Ho Jaunga..Zehar Kha Lunga.. .
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.
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CS Girl ..hmmmm
Dekh Le Jaisa Tujhe Thik Lage
Uncle: aur Beta! Kya kar rahe ho aaj kal?
Me: Uncle,CA kar raha hu..
Uncle: Acha! Kon se college se?
Me: Uncle, CA college se nai hoti..bas paper dene hote hain.
Uncle: Acha! Acha! Private kar raha hai.
Me: unsure emoticon
Uncle: Suna hai badi mushkil hoti hai?
Me: Ji Uncle, bas 3-4% hi result aata hai.
Uncle: Meri behan k jeth k saale ki ladki bhi CA kar rahi hai..baki ab to banda banda hi CA kar raha hai.
Me: Hanji Uncle..banda banda ‘kar’ hi raha hai.. tongue emoticon
Uncle: koi ni beta mehnat karo! Fir to 1 sign k hi lakho milenge. smile emoticon
Me: ji uncle, maine bhi yehi sun k CA join ki thi.. grin emoticon
3 months later…
Uncle: aur beta! Kya kar rahe ho aaj kal?
Me: uncle CA hi chal rahi hai.
Uncle: Acha! Kon se college se?
AUDITOR
A-accounting and others
U-underlying
D-data and
I-information
T-to give an
O-opinion in
R-the audit report…
Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom on the right ?”
reply – “Have u ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement ? It follows the same logic – all income is posted on the right and expenses are on the left ! “
Teacher: Osama has 5 wifes and 20 Children,
Laloo has 1 wife and 9 children. Who is better?
CA Student: Osama’s NPV is good but Laloo’s IRR is better.
CA की पत्नी ने पुछा – क्यों जी, ये महंगाई दर क्या होती है ?
CA – पहले तुम्हारी कमर 28 थी और वजन था 45 किलो
अब तुम्हारी कमर है 38 और वजन है 75 किलो.अब तुम्हारे पास सबकुछ पहले से ज्यादा है फिर भी वैल्यू कम है
यही मंहगाई दर है.Moral – अर्थशास्त्र उतना कठिन नहीं है यदि सही उदाहरण देकर समझाया जाए…
एक श्मशान में चार खोपड़ी पडी थी ।
कुत्ते तीन को चाट रहे थे ।
एक को नहीं चाट रहे थे ।
एक सियार वहाँ आया और पूछा –
तुम तीन खोपड़ी को चाट रहे हो और एक को क्यों नहीं ?
कुत्तों ने कहा –
यह सी.ऐ. की खोपड़ी है ।
प्रैक्टिस करता था,
इसके क्लाइन्ट इसे पहले ही चाट चुके हैं ।
रजनीकांत और ek CA की मुलाक़ात हुई।
रजनीकांत : मेरे बचपन में हमारे गाँव में बिजली नहीं थी इस कारण मैं अगरबत्ती के प्रकाश में पढ़ाई किया करता था!!
CA: मेरे गाँव में भी बिजली नहीं थी। अगरबत्ती भी नहीं थी!!
रजनीकांत : तो…….?
CA : तो क्या…..मेरा एक मित्र था जिसका नाम प्रकाश था। मैं उसके साथ पढ़ाई किया करता था। लेकिन…. एक बार बरसात हुई और प्रकाश भीग गया।
रजनीकांत : फिर…..?
CA : फिर कुछ नहीं। मेरी एक ज्योति नाम की दोस्त भी तो थी
रजनीकांत बेहोश
Q: Difference between gud CA & great CA?
Ans: A good CA knows the IT Act but a great CA knows the Income Tax Officer…. :p
Swarg ke dwar par 3 log the.
God”Sirf ek hi andar ja sakta hai.
Pehla~”Main pujari hu,sari umar apki seva ki hai, swarg par mera hi haq h.
Dusra”Main ek Dr.hu,sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg par toh mera hi haq hai
Tisra-“Maine CA KI PADHAI KI HAI.”
God-“kuch mat bol mere bhai,rulaega kya? sari JAWANI tu narak me raha h. Swarg par tera hi haq hai.”
DedicateD to all CA students.
What is CS? Foundation-Alpenlibe- Ji lalchaye raha na jaye.
Intermdiate/Executive- Dimag ki batti jala de.
Trainee-Kinetic- Sabki hawa nikal de.
FINAL/Professional-Chlormint- Dubara mat poochna.
Membersip-jhoom barabar jhoom
A Company Secretary to his wife, on returning from office…..
Husband : Hi Dear, mark my attendance.
Wife : You are too late.
Husband : No problem, I am ready to pay the additional fee.
Wife : Be serious, we had a plan to go for movie.
Husband : i know this matter can be taken at any other meeting.
Wife : I really have done a wrong by marrying you.
Husband : Yes, also you should know that it is an un-compoundable offence.
Wife : Lets finalize whether we should live together or be separated.
Husband : Don’t be silly; proxies are not allowed to speak.
Wife : Please, Leave me alone
Husband : No, I cant let the meeting conducted without quorum.
Wife : I will just be mad.
Husband : Contract with or by any Lunatic person is void ab initio.
Wife : I just want to go my father’s house, take these keys of your house.
Husband : Presently, I dont have any buyback offer.
Wife : i just want to be separated from you.
Husband : You have to apply to the Court for demerger.
Wife : i think we both are unable to settle our disputes.
Husband : No problem, lets apply the court for voluntary winding up !!!!!!!
- CS gaali de to kya dega?
- Saale 383A ka non compliance,
- SEBI ki penalty,
- paidaishi subsidiary,
- Undischarged Insolvent,
- 297 ke violation, 295 ke loan, 372A ki guarantee,
- Itna marunga ki WINDING UP ho jayega
CA ON HIS DEATH BED
My wife, are you here?
“Yes dear”
My daughter, are you here?
“Yes dad”
My son, are you here?
“Yes dad”
MY ARTICLES, ARE YOU HERE?
“Yes SIR”
KAMiNO fir OFFICE me kaun hai.
ICAI :-अगर मेरे हवाई जहाज़ में 50 ईंटे हो और मैं एक नीचे फ़ेंक दूं तो कीतने बचेंगे ?
Student :- 49
ICAI:-तीन वाक्य में बताओ कि हाथी को फ्रीज़ में कैसे रखा जाये ?
Student :- (1) फ्रीज़ खोलिए, (2) हाथी को उसमे रखिये और (3) फ्रीज़ बंद कर दीजिये !
ICAI :-अब 4 वाक्य में बताओ कि हिरन को फ्रीज़ में कैसे रखा जाये ?
Student :- (1) फ्रीज़ खोलिए (2 ) हाथी को बाहर निकालिए (3) हिरन को अन्दर रखिये 4)फ्रीज़ बंद कर दीजिये!
ICAI :-आज जंगल में शेर का जन्मदिन मनाया जा रहा है, वहां एक को छोड़ कर सब जानवर मौजूद है, बताओ कौन गैरमौजूद है?
Student.:- हिरन, क्योंकि वो फ्रीज़ में बंद है !
ICAI :- बताओ, एक बूढी औरत मगरमच्छो से भरी तालाब को कैसे पार कर सकती है ?
Student :- बड़े आसानी से, क्योंकि सारे मगरमच्छ शेर के जन्मदिन के पार्टी में गए हैं!
ICAI :- अच्छा आखिरी सवाल, वो बूढी औरत मर कैसे गयी?
Student :- hmmmmm ……. लगता है सर कि वो तालाब में फिसल गयी अथवा गिर गयी होगी….. Errrrrrrrrrrr..
ICAI:- अबे गधे, उसके सिर पर ईंट लगी थी जो मैंने Airplane से फेंकी थी, यही problem है कि तुम अपने काम में जरा भी ध्यान नहीं लगाते हो और तुम्हारा दिमाग कही और रहता है, You should always be focused on your study ! Understand ?
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.
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Moral of the story:- जितना मर्ज़ी PREPARE कर लो अगर ICAI ने ठान ली है तो बो तुम्हारी बजा के रहेगा.:
7 reasons why I choose CA.
- I hate 2 Rest
- I have already enjoyed life in childhood.
- I luv tension.
- I don’t want to spend time with family..
- I want to take revenge from myself
- I luv 2 study on Sundays &holidays
- THE BEST ONE
- Pass hone ki khushi bardasht nahi
hoti thi yaar, kasam se..!
Commerce ke student’s agar film banaye to filmo ke naam kya honge :-
- Kabhi debit kabhi credit.
- Hum accounts ke diwane hai.
- Hum profit pe marte hai.
- Hum tax de chuke sanam.
- Hamara calculator aapke paas hai.
- C.A. kiya to darna kya.
- Commerce se accha kon hai.
- I Hate Mathematics.
- Rab ne miladi balance sheet.
In ca course
- 5 – Years
- 50 – Laws
- 500 – Lectures
- 5000 – Practicals
- 50000 – Sections
- 500000 – Rules
A normal human being can’t bear it.
The remaining abnormals are called
CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS. ….
Bimar CA student Se mummy Boli:
- Jaakar Janwar Ke Doctor Ko Dikha,To Hi Theek Hoyega..
- Beta:Aisa Kyon?
- Mumy:Roz Subah Murge Ki Tarah Uth Jata H,
- Ghode ki tarah bhag k coaching me jata h,
- tote ki tarah ofc.me clients k aage bolta h,
- suvar ki tarah yaha vahan audit par muh marta h,
- gadhe ki tarah kaam krta h,
- phir bi bail ki tarah boss ki galiyan sunta h,
- ghar akar sab pe kutte ki tarah bhokta h,
AUR
- raat ko bhais ki tarah so jata h..
- ISLIYE!
Upcoming horror movies in CA:
-Boss bana shaitan
-Tadapta article
-Khatarnak syllabus
-B.L. ka badla
-2nd group ki pyas
-Khooni result
-Wo aakhri attempt
Two friends died. One a CA and another a Doctor. They reached Yamaloka.
Yamraj: You both have committed same sins and both seems to have same merits. So doctor will get 5 year in hell and CA 1.5 years hell term.
Doctor asked Yama : Why I got 3.5 years more when our sins are equal
Yamraj : CA has already served 3.5 yr hell in articleship. So he got less term.
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